That took me somewhere dark. I could not find joy in my own life, and the maddening part is that my life was good. I had a steady job. A healthy family. A beautiful wife and daughter. We could pay the bills, buy groceries, do something fun, and I did not have to brace myself before checking the bank account. And the joy was still gone. So I started looking for it in stuff. I spent a lot of nights on Pinterest scrolling through clothes and haircuts, and at one point I went so far as to book a tattoo appointment for a big tiger on my arm (I have no tattoos, and I did not show up for that one either). I was chasing an image. Something that would let me feel young, hold people's attention, and make up for lost time. Meanwhile my actual beautiful life was going by right in front of me and I was not present for it.